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Monday, August 09, 2010

Me in the Mirror

You know, as I was pondering over the things happening in my life; especially those that upset me and how I feel that I could have done something about.

I have complained, whined and just rant in my logs about situations, myself and things/people around me and happenings.
I know that I should be doing something about it rather than just talking about it, it's not healthy, and trust me, I do know I should but I guess when we come down to it, we are just pretty much human beings.
(and human beings are never good at correcting themselves)

Well, I have had enough, of hearing myself complain or anything like that.

I told myself, stare at myself in the mirror and MAKE that change (a certain famous song belonging to the late King of Pop)

I am related to all the things which happened around me; it is me who is to be blamed.

Sometimes we are all just too used to blaming on others that we never stop to blame ourselves.
Because it's much better to put the blame on someone else.
We just like to psycho ourselves into believing that others are to be blamed for us being bad at keeping in touch, never calling when we said we would, doing something that made others angry, didn't want to admit our own mistakes, etc.

It is time to come to terms with that I am just as at fault; or even, I am THE one at fault.

I have brought disappointments, anger and misunderstanding unto myself.

I have hurt people who have cared about me, and I used to think it didn't matter because they were doing the same to me.

I don't think these are all related at all; the fundamental is, I am upset at how things turned out and I must be the one to make that change.
I cannot just sit there and complain or get upset about everything that happens.
I have to be the one to make a change, and not everyone else.

I am the one who has to change, and I want to.
I want to be happy, and everyone can be happy, or at least I hope I can make everyone happy around me.

I apologize to everyone whom I have offended or hurt, or neglected, I am really very sorry and the guilt is just eating me up.
I will try my very best, and I will leave to God the rest.