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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Can you trust your beau's BFF?

An interesting topic caught my attention this morning; something that I was discussing with a friend recently too (funny how there is always this deja vu or interesting coincidence I have with all the discussion topics huh? I must be psychic or something:p )

Would you trust your girlfriend/boyfriend with their best friend if their BFF happens to be of the opposite sex?
What would be your say on this?

There was a lady who started the interesting melodrama about how she will definitely not trust her beau with his lady best friend.
Her argument?
Why would the boyfriend needs a lady best friend when he has a girlfriend?
She can be his best friend; in fact she will be all there fo him when he needs her; she's all that he needs.

Interesting argument and a rather sticky situation, this one is.
Controversial as usual as it always depends on individual perception and also the understanding among the couple involved.

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Your boyfriend or girlfriend's best friend is of the opposite sex; something unique but not unusual.
I think most of us have grown up hanging out with friends of different backgrounds, age and definitely gender.
It is so common that we tend to overlook the sensitivity of these issues until we are involved in it.

My opinion of this?
I would say, why not?
I would definitely trust my boyfriend with his female best friend for one simple reason: I trust him.

Why would I trust him?
Well, why would I be with someone I do not trust, in the very first place?
If I do not trust that person, how could I possibly be in a relationship with him and spending our time together?
The limit is there; but the liberty of human rights is also there.
A relationship is not a golden cage; whereby once you are involved with that special someone, you are off limits to everyone around you - especially those of the opposite sex.
I apologize if you do not think the same way; but this is my opinion which I believe in.

Furthermore, the fundamental of a relationship is built on trust; besides the love element.
Being with someone is being able to trust him/her and enjoying your time with them.

If you have doubts, it doesn't matter whether the issue of his best friend is involved.
Even if his BFF is of the same gender, you will still feel insecure and jealous due to the amount of time they spend with each other or the unknown secrets to you which he shares with his BFF.

It is undeniable that it will be a little awkward that your boyfriend /girlfriend is spending lots of time with their BFF too; but if you are having that minor jealousy, you can bring it up to your beau and perhaps you can get him/her to introduce their BFF to you so that you can get to know them better and see for yourself how they are valued in your beau's eyes.
At the same time, you will also know the similarity and the joy they share being each other's best friends.
On a side note, you may be able to tell whether there is anything else above that platonic friendship (though I must warn that this can be dangerous to your relationship as well as he/she may just think you are being jealous)

Mutual understanding and trust is important to you and your beau in situations like these.
If you absolutely have no room to tolerate their friendship and you're extremely uncomfortable with how close they are, you might want to consider taking a step out of the relationship.
You can talk to your beau, but bear in mind that he/she may not oblige especially when they have been best friends for a long time.
It is always unfair and cruel to make them choose between their best friends and you; just like how unfair it is when you are made to choose.

Put yourself in their shoes; do you really want to be constantly hearing unhappy thoughts from your beau whenever you are with your best friend or just hanging out for a simple chat?
Do not always assume that things can be controlled by you; it is more of a give and take.

You may be able to tell him not to meet his female best friend anymore, but what is stopping him from doing so?
You will probably only ignite that sneaking around attitude in him and when there are more secrets among the two of you, that's when the relationship spells trouble.

Besides, if he really wants to cheat on you, is there a way you can stop him?
Can you really monitor his every move?
Not unless you put a chain onto him...

And if you really suspect he's cheating on you, is there a point being in the relationship anymore?
You can't trust him anymore, and frankly, if a guy wants to cheat, he will do it no matter how; provided he is never caught.
There is no way of stopping him; the willpower is in him.
Anyhow, he will cheat whenever he wants to and this is totally out of your control.

So, the root of this whole situation is not that tricky anyway; from how I look at it.
It is just a simple question which roots back to you; the affected player in the situation itself.
Stop blaming your beau for having a BFF who is of an opposite gender; it is not really the point of the question.

The key is in yourself; are you able to accept their opposite-gender-friendship which could have started way before you?
Are you able to tolerate them sharing secrets and problems with each other; or things that he could not confide in you?

It is wholly up to you; the world is round, we can never be seeing the same things again and again.
Cross gender friendships are definitely not unusual nor out of space, it is just like everyday things we see in life like you and me.
That is why people are involved in relationships anyway; the attraction to the opposite gender and also friendships.
Of course, a little dangerous to use the attraction element in friendships though...although I believe there must be certain things they are attracted to each other in the first place anyway;) to be best friends :D
That's why they say 'Opposites Attract'

I guess I am not truly in this situation; although I do have lots of close and really good friends whom I can confide in and mind you, a few of them are guys as well.
However, ultimately my bestest bestest friend is still a girl; who is totally an opposite of me in her character. I still have close guy friends and thankfully, it is not an issue for anyone:)

Your say?
Are you in the same situation with a BFF of the opposite gender or you are safe with a same gender bFF?